bovariancancer

 My ex used to start arguments in the car a lot. I would mostly get tired of arguing, or just giving up. But he always used to start something while he was driving. Because I couldn't leave. I had to sit and listen. Not only that, he would get into a rage mode, and drive like a maniac. Changing gears forcibly, gassing the car up to the point of exhaustion. Making turns like he owns the streets. And always smoking a cigarette (even tho I hated and never allowed him to smoke inside the car when I am there). He seemed to enjoy having me as a prisoner and punishing me for not wanting to talk. Scaring me. At first, I fought against it. Once I jumped out of it. Then I started crying. After a while, I learned to get into a freeze mode. I just stared blankly and silenty. Some time later I noticed I would start playing with my fingers.  I never used to find this weird or scary. It was normal for me. I am not blaming him still. I can be hard to deal with. I can be selfish more often tha...