bovariancancer

When you experience the "last time", you never think of the "first times" that come after. Yes, last times suck, and I dont know if its worse to be aware of them or not. When you are aware of them you cherish them, and its hard to let go. But when you are not aware of them, it evades you completely and things are left unsaid. But the last time doesnt stop there.  After the last time, there come a bunch of first times. First time you wake up without a good morning text. First time you fall asleep alone. First time you watch a tv show on your own, put your lipstick on. Plan a vacation with someone else. Or no one for that matter. Listen to Pink Floyd for the first time after. First time you dress up but now there is no one there to faint over how pretty you look. Or your first time in McDonalds without them. And suddenly you dont like this place anymore. You look around and everything is the same; same regular customer at this time of the day, same waitress as any oth

Im listening to middle aged men discuss a shipment incoming from Romania. Its apparently really important to get it right. Its really important for Christine to inform Christian and send an order. Its really important that Christian informs Thomas. Its rrally important for Thomas to inform Gerd. Its really important for Gerd to inform Michael. Its really important for Michael to get back to Christine. And I just buried someone.  I am going out for a walk. Its such a nice fresh summer day. Perfect temperature. I sit on the first bench I find, of course. Watching a tractor burrow the land. Its too late for corn. I am too lazy to google what season it is now. Andreas just passed. Our IT guy. He winks and continues. I only recognize him after he passes. Luckily my natural response is to nod at everyone who passes so he is probably not insulted. And I just buried someone. I think I fucked up some itinierary. Im still struggling with this stupid programme. I just carry on and hope for the be